I was eleven years when I first read a book by
Jannette Oke, a popular Christian novelist, and quickly became entranced
by so-called “Christian Romance” books. I was so captivated by them in
fact, that I would spend hours wrapping myself in them, allowing all kinds
of thoughts to dance through my head. I was cautioned on several occasions
by my parents and other friends in the church to be careful, that I not
allow these books to distort my perception of godly relationships, or to
lead me away from what I knew was right. I justified my decision to keep
reading them, by telling everyone (and myself), that all of the romances
in these stories were founded on strong Christian values, that there was
no physical immorality, that virtue and purity were upheld and encouraged
throughout, and that I was actually benefiting from absorbing these idealistic
examples of what “falling in love” should be like. My attraction to these
kind of books was due, in part, to my already idealistic and romantic personality.
I had a “perfect” picture of love and romance, complete with fluttery feelings
and dizzying emotions. I was occupied with the longing to be “swept off
my feet” by the handsome prince of my dreams.
Several years later, having allowed these influences to permeate my
perception, I realized (painfully) that I had indeed misshaped my convictions,
and distorted my idea of a courtship relationship, and what it should be
like. My very attraction toward these things was exactly the encouragement
I should have avoided. Instead of allowing my focus to rest on finding
a perfect, ideal, romantic relationship, I should have instead turned my
eyes and heart to seek God’s will for me, and my future husband.
These books encouraged me to build up an expectation of love that was
focused on all the wrong occupation.
I am grateful that the Lord removed this influence from my life, and
that he has healed me from the scars caused me by these books. Now having
entered into my own relationship with a godly young man, whom God has called
me to love and serve for the rest of my life, and with whom I am very much
in love, I REJOICE that I was able to pray about it carefully, with a heart
desiring only the Lord’s will, without being overcome by feelings and emotions.
Our relationship was not founded or decided upon these fleeting things.
Instead our commitment to each other was established upon knowing the path
that the Lord has planned for us. Even now that we are committed to one
another, the passion and romance that we feel and experience are far from
our focus; rather, we have put much of it aside, seeing it as a distraction
from the things that we need to be focused on right now, the things that
will cause us to grow and prepare us for our future marriage.